Monday, 28 February 2011

Dude does Tokyo



This was never going to be an easy task, writing a fun piece about the weekend Antoine Yazbek came to Tokyo without coming across as a depraved alcoholic.
So before I admit to lying prostrate on the 17th floor hallway of The Peninsula Hotel at 4am...here is what really happened-

Antoine had a dream. And lucky for him, his company had the resources to send him to Tokyo on what he insists was a business trip (and not a karaoke/raw fish fest)… fair enough, one business meeting did take place between the countless rounds of sake we were chasing with Yebisu beer.
But how we got to sing karaoke with the The Black Eyed Peas I no longer remember. 
Having no shame helps. 
What also helps is when your body goes on autopilot and stops registering you are well into the 12th hour of boozing. Memory lapses and a whole lot of raw fish later Antoine and I were on the 20th floor of an all-night karaoke joint with music industry heavy weights who just shot a video in Tokyo.
The only other time I saw my friend so happy was at Kiddy Land. But we don't talk about that!

So why was I on the hallway floor again?
Picture us stumbling out of Kyubay, arguably world’s best sushi joint into the back alleys of Ginza on a Friday night. The scene- two geishas ushering a half dozen drunken corporate types into a taxi, the impeccable white lace doilies in the taxi’s backseat looked like they were in big trouble. We entered through the back of a back alley office building and took an elevator shockingly poor by Tokyo standards carrying us two stories down, underground to Little Smith. Very prohibition era, the feeling was Rita Hayworth in sequins is going to turn up tipsy. The bartenders with heavy hair gel, bow ties and crisp white shirts shake textbook-perfect classic cocktails in gleaming vintage shakers. It was the coolest, old-schoolest drinking I have done behind a hand-hewn wooden bar.

Antoine's friend Paul says "omakase"  and the bartender smiles instantly. His name is Mimi. The phrase is usually spoken to sushi chefs when you want them to devise a special tasting menu. It means "I trust you." It also means you are either filthy rich or stinking drunk, preferably both. He instantly earns my trust by not saving on Ukrainian vodka and a whole cooked tomato - an artisanal Bloody Mary. He brakes an egg and makes le soleil, and several sherry martinis, and a dozen Ginza mules, and by  the time Suntory whiskey came out of nowhere the group we were with had attempted to leave twice, they would stand up and sit down again, i might have hallucinated the spaghetti bolognese with oysters, but my memory was somewhat restored after the fact...

Historically, the Meiji period in Japan also just happened to coincide with the golden age of the cocktail in Europe and America. The Meiji ‘Enlightened rule’ began in 1867 when the 15 year old Mutsuhito ascended the Chrysanthemum Throne as the 122nd emperor. Meiji restoration consisted of five major provisions, but here I would like to mention just one- Replacement of "evil customs" with the "just laws of nature" and “an international search for knowledge to strengthen the foundations of imperial rule”.)
So translated loosely, in imperial Japan the just laws of nature were introduced at the same time as the cocktail.
The first cocktails were served in Tokyo in Ginza cafés like Café Printemps and Café Lion, which employed bartenders who'd learned the craft at the luxury hotels of Asia. They made the Bamboo and the Million Dollar and the Singapore Sling, cocktails first served at the Raffles Hotel in Singapore while Japan was still very much enjoying the complete isolation from all things western. But the nature of the Japanese is obsessive compulsive so they wouldn't allow a better drink to exist anywhere outside their pricey Ginza. I would not be surprised to learn of a bartender who met his death mixing the perfect drink.

Tokyo has shone a new light on what I call classy booze (my louche behavior notwithstanding)
I bow to them.


                               

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

The Monday tirade & first photos


Hey guys, the readership has now gone up to about 10 close friends!

Remember how last week I felt like the cave woman in Tokyo. 
That has all changed now, not only am I toilet trained but I also came into possession of a small fortune, some cash,  and so  I am back to a more glamorous position in society! 
Because some of you (or rather- ALL of you) have written how my previous post, the Shinkjuku station aka Gates of hell made you want to suck your thumb and cry…I have decided to treat you to a more humane side of Tokyo. This city is not a soul-destroying device, quite the opposite; the only destruction is to the wallet.Tokyo will teach everyone to be polite, clean and oh so stylish.
Greeks and Serbs alike should be sent here on a government project to learn about decently treating their surrounding environs and ultimately themselves. 
Tokyo is 'colorful', lots of 'uniqueness', dress as a garden gnome if you like but don't litter and do not be rude. Tokyo has got to be the coolest place on earth!
Ok, i have pontificated enough for a Monday!
Tomorrow I  will write about the cat cafes (where for a 1000 yen you can pet a cat of your choice and get a cookie), cat claw doorknobs and  the Otouto cafes where young girls dress as young boys pretending to be your brother.
No neon, no train, no cross-dressing stories for today. Just  the pretty neighborhood of Daikanyama for your viewing pleasure.


Ps.
Some Cat cafes stay open til 5.30 in the morning! Bloody freaks!

Thursday, 17 February 2011

One last exit to Brooklyn but over 200 exits at Shinjuku Station


I had this crazy idea yesterday. To take the train. Yes, I’m like that these days, living on the edge fearlessly staring into the abyss...

Me: Going to Shinjuku.  On a train.
Anonymous: That is a problem.
Me: Why?
Anonymous: First you wont  know where to get off and second you will never get out.

Ok, so the consensus in Tokyo is that I am a special needs child who grew very tall but sadly had not developed a brain.
Laughable, I mastered the skill of riding that train. And it only took me a day.

"Junctions lead to new passages, and when creating junctions you should try to achieve a balance between creating passages that lead to dead ends, and creating passages that lead back into earlier passages of your maze”

This is what the architects of Shinjuku station had in mind.

North, South, East and West are too limited directions for navigating the maze of Shinjuku station so they have ingeniously come up with the New North, New South, New West, new everything that had previously existed.
It is always a happy surprise when you get from a platform to an exit. Or traverse from West to New South. Or New West to East. Or, let's face it, from just about anywhere to anywhere else. 

4 subway lines and 9 commuter lines operated by 6 companies, and used by over 3 million people a day.Hundreds of buildings are directly connected to the station via underground arcades and the station itself includes 4 major department stores. Most times can't quite tell whether you are in or out of the station, or weather you are above or below the ground level.

There is an absurdity called Shinjuku-Station-West-Exit Station. Not an exit - but a station. Cheers!

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Toilet vs Aspirin- forget about it


Sorry everyone (my two faithful readers) for not posting more, it is no small feat leaving the house when the toilet presents a challenge so complex someone mentioned ‘the only foreigners who know how to work the toilet properly graduated from MIT'
So with my arts and humanities background- might take a while.
7 buttons in English and additional 4 in Japanese. You can adjust the flushing sound and chose different melodies. Having left my ipod in Mykonos this summer I never thought the toilet seat in Tokyo would provide a satisfactory alternative?
I am the cave woman at the dawn of civilization! You have to wonder how they even allow people like me to roam Tokyo freely?!?!?!We could end up flushing ourselves down the toilet by a rookie mistake.
The toilet seat not only has various musical options but, as i discovered later in the day, also various heating options, meaning you can heat the entire surface or just one half of it. So if your heart desires just one butt cheek heated up nicely- you've come to the right place.
A button I have been afraid to press is the one that has a geyser drawn on it?Saving it for Friday night...

My first word is KAZE KATSURI, common cold, cant believe I got sick in the first week.
Went to the pharmacy earlier and realized there was not one brand name written in western alphabet so I coughed and sneezed and put on quite a show to demonstrate I am about to croak...it took half an hour before they gave me something best referred to as 'something'! I still don't know what drug they have me on, and as I haven’t done anything particularly bizarre I am assuming it is not a stimulant. They had put on gauze masks as they approached my sickly self . Multiple Micheal Jackson tributes..
In vain I  kept repeating ‘Asprin, Aspirin'...
Nothing. 
Dragged myself home, utterly defeated, to google why Bayer isnt in Japan…apparently they are, just under a different name- in Japanese. 
Classic.

To their credit, they will devote an incredible amount of time and effort, talking in Japanese, explaining all sorts of things it would be rather useful to hear – in a language you actually do understand.
So far I have come across two people who speak English, the embassy driver assigned to my mother, a lovely Filipino called Hector and a Canadian lady who looked so pitifully lost at the deli on Gotanyama,  she needed my help more than I needed hers.

Still the only person in Tokyo without a camera. 
Went into one electronics labyrinth shop and gave up immediately. You can't possibly see that many cameras and still want to buy one.

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Day 1



Big in Japan, phrase used to do describe western celebrities failed in the western world, but more successful in Japan

Big in Japan is also a phrase I use to describe Eastern European girls in Chanel flats measuring 5ft11inches which makes us part of the second tallest structural group after the Tokyo Tower and the Midtown tower (due to aesthetic and engineering concerns, Japan's Building Standard Law set an absolute height limit of 31 metres until 1963). 

Big in Japan is also a song performed by Alphaville in 1984  (Pierre this one's for you). Some say it is about a western businessman having a good time with drugs and girls.Others say it is about a couple going off heroin. I think it’s more like Frankie goes to Hollywood. In 1984 they thought, whatever, lets spray our hair and have people decipher song names forever…


I was going to name the blog 'Na Poume' after my dear friend photographer extraordinaire Nicholas Samartis but after much deliberation I'm going with the obvious...big in Japan- to be continued...